Dear Santa,

How are you? I am fine.

I have a list of things that I would like for Christmas. I have been a decent person this year and though I could have done more, I could not have done more and maintained my sanity. The list is long because I thought you could perhaps just pick and choose. They are in no special order; each one would be just as great as the next. So without further ado, here it is.

I want it to snow so I can have a snowball fight with the oldest boy and his friends.
I want to build a snowman as big as my self and watch it be attacked and brought down to a pile small enough to fill sno-cone cups.
I want a morning so cold and the sun shining so brightly that the moisture in my breath sparkles.
I want windows that defrost themselves, and immediate hot air out of the vents in my car.
I want to drink wine that leaves no headache, eat food that leaves no indigestion.
I want to hear laughter, the kind that lasts a long time, makes ones side’s hurt and leaves tears in ones eyes.
I want warm cats on my lap, sleeping and not clawing my legs.
I want good coffee and a sturdy cookie to dunk in it.
I want a president I believe in and a congress that cares.
I want the House of Representatives to do just that: represent.
I want an end to initiatives, as they cause weak politicians and breed assholes like Tim Eyeman.
I want an end to impatience and self-pity and a start to self-reflection.
Oh, and please let the Mariners play the Cubs in the World Series.

Please say hello to Mrs. Clause for me. I know how hard she works for a fraction of the recognition. Hope the reindeer are doing well and the elves are in good health.

Your friend,

Slackjaw

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