Chi vs. The 50ft Metal Monster

I have two questions for you Slackjaw:

First when do we get to open up
that bottle and do some drinking?
You can count me in.

Second, I don't know if you are familiar with Chuck Norris or not, but he is the greatest actor/kung-fu fighter there is. I actually think the song was done about him. But to the question: are you aware that he will no longer be with us for to much longer because of his last episode?

with that happening i see no more reason to keep my 50ft antenna. Any ideas of what I can do with it?

Ignatius O'Harra


Dear Ignatius,

Before the boys were born, Sweetie and I made a pilgrimage to Graceland.

We fired up the 65 Dart loaded up the cooler and in three fun filled days drove across the country. We had saved enough for gas, a bottle of Jack, tickets in and not much else. The trip, like most road trips, had its share of boredom and adventure. But there is one moment that has always stuck with me and your letter brought it all back.

Sweetie and I decided to take a detour on the way home to see The Lone Wolf Ranch. I know I don't have to tell you this, but to all who don't know, The Lone Wolf Ranch is a little bit of Chuck Norris heaven. It's a large chunk of property northwest of Houston with some fancy rooms you can stay in if you have the money. We didn't of course, but sweetie wanted to see if we could grab a souvenir for her good friend in Indy who loves him more than dirt and would have his baby given the chance.

The Dart made it to College Station before it bit the dust. Put a rod through the cylinder head trying to pass a semi on a low grade. We wound up at Dudley's Draw, a local bar with Lone Star on tap and tried to get the Texas dust out of the back of our throats. Having made it this far it just crushed us that we couldn't go the extra 20 miles to see the ranch.

It's a bleak time for both of us, with just enough money for the Greyhound home and Sweetie looking like she's gonna start crying in her beer. When from out of nowhere the station gets changed and Lone Wolfe McQuade comes on the big screen. It's right before the big showdown with the Drug Kingpin and Chuck's all pumped up and ready to go.

I can still see that look on Sweeties face, how she started crying and then laughing and then the two of us with the red Texas clay streaking down our faces finished our beers and set out for the bus. I will always love Chuck for that one moment all those years ago. Taking away our broken metal monster and replacing it with a moment too perfect, even for Hollywood.

Keep your 50 ft antenna. I'm not to keen on eastern mysticism and to tell the truth I wouldn't know yin from yang. But there are two things I know like mud. One is; though beauty is all around us it's found in the strangest places and two: never, ever, bet against Chuck in one of his own movies.


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