Garage Sale Items

Does anyone want a cardboard box—one that’s been only slightly used to carry apples and an ageing CD collection—one that’s packed both bananas from the south pacific and a broken electric guitar neck? Don’t ask me how long they’ll last, because I really don’t have any idea. Though they were once useful in their purpose, now they seem a little less so.

Does anyone want some bubble wrap—useful for popping and stress release? Most of the bubbles are still in good shape, and we have both the large and small sizes. The Older Boy usually gets to them first, but he’s been enjoying the new doublewide so much that I think he’s forgotten. If you come to the garage door, I think we can sneak them into your car without him finding out.

Does anyone want some floorboards—the kind with a tongue-and-grove slot just perfect for building a floor with? The previous owners were kind enough to leave us the stack they salvaged when tearing down the poorly constructed addition, and now I’m afraid we have too many. I’m going to use some to build ramps for Ike, but I have a feeling there’ll be plenty left over, so come by if you were thinking of putting something under your feet—something other than dirt.

Does anyone want a Bar-B-Que—the kind where friends stand around with beers in their hands and catch up with each others lives? The kind where you spend the whole day smoking ribs and beef brisket—chicken and hot-links until they melt in your mouth. We could make an afternoon of it, until the sun disappears behind the roof. Or, now that our patio has a fireplace, we could go late into the night, huddled around it for heat.

Does anybody want some friends—the kind that would do you a good turn, by showing up and helping you move? They’re reliable, honest and decently groomed. They are hard working and full of good cheer, ready to drop whatever they’re doing to give you a helping hand. It can be considered a life well led, if, at the end of it all, they are the one to show up at your funeral.

On second thought forget it.

Get your own friends.

But please, please, please, take a box with you when you go.

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